Wanting something you don't need...

Totally selfish. That's what I feel like. Have you ever wanted something you don't need and something that everyone else insists is a large waste of money? Or have you ever thought, my life REALLY would be perfect if only... For me, the struggle is a horse. What full-time nanny, nursing student, newly married and newly mortgaged woman who has to pay bills and find some time to use a gym membership a needs a horse? Not one. Who befitting the previous description wants one? Me. I am obsessed with having a horse that I can at least call my own to ride on a regular basis. More obsessed than I am with facebook, reading other people's blogs, finding the perfect mascara or even having clean smelling dogs... I am obsessed with finding a horse. I am tired of riding other people's horses only to see them sold once they are "rideable" for whomever or are now "perfectly well behaved" so that little children can ride them and undo everything I taught them to do. See, selfish again. I suck.

Here's the double edged sword... in this economy, everyone is selling their horses for ridiculously good prices. If you think the housing market looks great, try shopping for a horse. I can get a horse today for $4500 that would have cost me $12,000 two years ago. And people are offering payment plans! With no interest! With the drought being over, feed and hay prices are down, gas prices are decent and board is competitive. It's torturous. The other side of the blade however is that my paycheck hasn't gone up in this economy, while groceries, interest rates on my credit card and every other bill in the world have, and now I have to pay tuition for nursing school. Sadly, I would RATHER pay for a horse than nursing school or even groceries, but that probably wouldn't bode well for my marriage or my future profession which promises a somewhat larger paycheck than teaching. Thanks to our governor, by the way, for making me feel GREAT about getting out of teaching when I did since the first teachers to get furloughed will undoubtedly be art teachers. Anyway, the horse debate drags on in my head and in my heart. Nothing in the world makes me happier than being around a horse, except for when Ryan hugs me- but really it is a close race. I know that sounds terrible no non-horse people, but horses were really my first love- it's just a different kind of love. There's this little hole in my heart and it's shaped like a horse- my horse. Help.