the official itenerary

Barring any more catastrophic weather events, (there was already a tornado warning in Lexington today and all the horses had to be evacuated to the indoor arena at KHP) in Lexington or Atlanta, we will be on the road by 10:00am tomorrow. I am admittedly a weather wimp, and when the weather is scary like it has been all day, I spend a lot of time with the dogs in the closet under the stairs in our house- thank goodness for WiFi, or I would have had a very boring few hours lately. The weather this spring has been nothing to joke about though, with deaths all over the US and a reining barn in the Carolina's that lost several horses- I just can't imagine the devastation that I saw in those pictures, so don't make fun of me for my closet dwelling every time the storm sirens go off!

My friend Mck and I have a very busy few days ahead of us, but for anyone who is staying home this year, we promise to report about the trip and the horse shopping for Mck. We are staying with a dear friend named Shelly, who is in dental school at UK and has graciously allowed us to camp out in her one bedroom apartment in Lexington for the duration of our trip. Her husband, who still lives and works here while she is in school, has a birthday this weekend, and has decided to celebrate it with his own trip to Lexington, so he is coming up on Friday night, accompanied by a stowaway, my husband, who at the last minute decided to come to help him celebrate his birthday, and probably make sure that I don't bring another horse home since we are visiting many OTTB's for sale, which for me, is sort of like releasing all of the Kardashians into a 'free revealing dress' store! Wow, that might be the longest run-on sentence I have ever written! Whew!

Anyway, I am really glad that Ryan gets to experience Lexington for the first time and maybe he will understand why every year on the way home I call him and say things like, put a "for sale" sign in front of our house because we are moving! Experiencing one bathroom with 5 people for a weekend might be slightly less enjoyable, but I will probably not have a nervous breakdown because there will be enough "horse time" to counteract my fear about sharing bathrooms.

So here's the plan!
Thursday:
10:00 am- get on the road!
5:00 ish- arrive in Lexington, breathe in the KY air and smile!
evening- two sale horse appointments: Jay and bay mare
dinner eventually

Friday:
5:30 am- rise and shine!!
6:00 am- leave to watch morning workouts at Keeneland
breakfast at the track kitchen
8:00 am- go see sale horses at the Thoroughbred Training Center
10:00 am- Rolex dressage starts at KHP
1:00 pm- back to Keeneland for closing day of races
afternoon/evening- go see cute mare called "demanding"
COTH get together dinner at the campground! drink wine and meet fun people!
husband arrives in Lexington, and surely falls in love and starts shopping for farms ;)

Saturday:
possible early morning visit back to training center if we haven't found a horse for McK yet!
XC day at Rolex! hang out at KHP and shop the trade fair!
Jep's birthday dinner and royal wedding watching!!

Sunday:
more shopping at trade fair at KHP for the good deals!
Stadium jumping day at Rolex!! my favorite! it's funnel cake time today!
two more horse appointments in afternoon if needed!
Home to ATL

48 hours until....

my favorite six hour drive in the whole wide world! It only takes one road, 75 N, to get me to my favorite city on the eastern side of the US. The lovely Lexington, Kentucky, is sort of like a horse filled heaven for me. Pretty much all of my requirement are met: horses, sushi, wide open spaces, pretty farms, funnel cakes, men in breeches... and we're set.

My birthday is in April, and I like to celebrate with a few close friends, and am not really into parties or heavy drinking, however, I am into waiting a few weeks and giving myself the best little vacay ever, a trip to Rolex. For the non-horsey readers, Rolex is a huge horse event at the 4* level, 4* means WAY better and bigger than I ever will be or even have a desire to be. While I love watching these talented horses and riders and am pretty much constantly in awe of the athleticism that is the horse, I would have to say that half the fun for me is just being surrounded by people that speak horse and live horse for four whole days.

Sometimes in my "real" life, I feel a bit like a fish out of water because my passion and obsession for horses and equine sport is probably not something that translates well into plain English. I probably spend a good part of my days trying to not let my close friends and family realize the true nature of my addiction. I don't usually bring up horses in general conversations unless someone asks me about them, and I even still have the capability to dress cute and chat about things like spray tans, and Tory Burch bags, and people's cute babies. While secretly, I think baby horses are far more attractive than baby humans, and I would much rather set out shopping to find a good saddle than anything to wear. Nonetheless, I do currently live in a world that is rather numb to my own personal equine affair. I have to go to school and I have a job not in the equine industry and a husband who glazes over a little bit when I come home from the barn squealing in a supersonic pitch about how the mare really relaxed her back today in the trot/canter transitions...

So, Rolex, for me is like an energy shot and a breath of fresh air and a place to relax all at once. I can be me, the horsey me, and I love it. Everyone around me is there because they enjoy horses and they understand and probably share my obsession, and they couldn't care less if my toenails are freshly pedicured. They totally enjoy discussing topics like; cures for summer fungus, and Le Chameau boots being the only ones that will make it through a whole mud season, and worrying about hay quality this summer, and using lateral work to eat up your horses extra energy in the warm up before a show etc.  As much as I would like to live and work within the horse culture full-time, my life right now doesn't allow it, so every April, my excitement builds to my own little fever pitch. I can't let it be known just quite how excited I get, lest my husband worry that I might never return from the land of blue grass and frolicking foals, but here is the best representation I could find:

I have decided to try and blog a little bit about every day in KY- we have a long list of things to do and see, which I will cover tomorrow!

regularly scheduled programming...

we are now interrupting your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this...

in case you thought your life was unglamorous, or that weird things only happen to you, let me just give you a list of the weirdness that has been this week! most of my weird experiences have to do with money or poop- i am cursed in that area- literally.  is it friday yet?

1. i went to make a deposit at the ATM and during the process, the ATM froze, of course with my card in it. i called the 800 number on the ATM and after pressing 1, then 4, then 8, then 0, then screaming an obscenity into the phone, an actual person picked up, put me on hold for 11 minutes, and then the ATM magically unfroze and spit my card out. seriously, this kind of thing only happens to me. oh, and my deposit still hasn't posted, of course. oh Bank of America, one day, i am going to devote an entire blog post just to you....

2. rylie boo pooped out an intact $10 bill on monday. i went to pick up her poop off the rug and it was strangely light and not dense. then i saw writing....
 no idea how the poodle had access to stray cash, but i'm hoping she will continue to defecate currency on a daily basis. and yes, i washed it off and kept it.

3. i threw away $40 that i was hiding from myself as "emergency money". since gas costs $98,000 a week, i was looking for it and realized that when i cleaned out my office, i threw away the container it was in. awesome- i'm such a responsible adult. it made me wonder how much money gets thrown away each year on average.

4. the twins that i nanny for are growing up so fast, and the boy twin has entered a lovely new developmental phase that i like to call "poop on the nanny". i often joke that i should change my facebook work info to "feces manager", between the twins, the chickens, the horses and the dogs, my days are generally spent arranging for the disposal of one type of feces or another, but boy twin has taken it to a whole new level. his poop is NOT baby sized, it is huge, and sticky, and it leaks out the sides and top of his diapers and often into his pants. his favorite move is to 'death roll' crocodile style while simultaneously kicking his feet as soon as i remove the diaper so that he spreads the poop all over himself and usually onto me. i have had to change my clothes twice and shower once after these magnanimous poop fests. it's excellent birth control and i suggest all moms make their teenage daughters babysit infants. i won't even comment on the smells. God bless the creator of the diaper genie!

5. after the ATM tried to freeze with my debit card inside, now I can't find it. and yes, mom, i did re-trace my steps. cool. if someone did steal it, they are going to become very familiar with the word "declined", so i'm sure my identity is not one they would want to steal.

6. babies really like to play with toys that aren't for babies. i think the twins stay awake at night and think of elaborate ways to get access to my cell phone. boy twin dropped it today, (no idea how he got it), and now it wont turn on. yay!

that's all for now, i smell another dirty diaper! maybe boy twin will poop out my debit card.

i would like to thank my sponsors...

and i totally would, if i had any.
lately i have been thinking about the upper eschalons of equestrian sport, and how it really does take a village of people to make a sucessful upper level show/event/dressage/race horse. also, i spent a few days working in the Atlanta Steeplechase office and noticed how big of a difference the generosity of a sponsor can make for a large scale event like that.
So, being the efficient problem solver that i am (sometimes, when i'm not just whining), i decided i just needed to find sponsors for my life and equestrian pursuits, and pretty much all of my financial shortcomings would be taken care of. There are of course, more than a few openings to fill, so I spent some time today in traffic thinking about which sponsor relationships would work the best. I mean, who can I get to fill those important niches in exchange for free advertising and a lifetime of loyalty from a rampant blabberer and low level horse show-er with big dreams and and even bigger mouth?
This is what I've got so far, listed by category, need, and of course, what I can provide in return:

Vehicles: Ford- I already drive a white Edge- a lot. So people ALL over the great state of Georgia see it zipping around everywhere, to the tune of about 400 miles a week. That is GREAT exposure. AND!! it's often covered in dirt, mud, and hay particles, which clearly showcases the full spectrum of it's utility as a zip around town car all the way to a pseudo farm truck. I could also showcase the incredible cargo capacity by opening my back doors where there exists an entire closet, tack shop, office and trash can- all in one! So all I really need from Ford is a white F-250 4x4 king ranch package with that pretty baseball glove looking interior. This way, I could also be advertising for them at the myriad of horse related events I attend on the weekend where I need off road and towing capabilities. My hair color and highlights look really pretty against the color of those leather seats, so I'm pretty sure as a "real" woman spokesmodel, I could really be effective since I really can tow a trailer, drag someone out of a mud hole, and explain the merits of using diesel fuel when hauling to all those interested parties- not to mention my dogs are total people magnets and who needs an opening line to get people interested in what you have to say when you have two totally cute furry faces drawing you in. I would also consider adding a composting system to the bed of the truck to provide a use for all of the chicken poop I have, and the horse poop from the trailer, and leftover chick-fil-a fries that get cold. So my F-250 could essentially be a traveling ranch and mobile self contained ecosystem- surely worthy of the king ranch package. Just a good ole American girl, driving a good looking American truck- spreading the word wherever I go! Thanks Ford, I am looking forward to our partnership!

Onto trailers:
This was a pretty hard decision, but the winner is...
so awesome.
Clearly, this company "gets" my overriding goal in life- efficiency and fun!


Tires/Batteries and vehicle maintenance:
This one is still up for grabs and I'm open to proposals. I really like American companies, preferably family owned, with multiple convenient locations and great customer service. I will obviously be needing lots of tires and maintenance, so you can be assured that I will plaster your logo all over the side of everything I own- much like a nascar driver, but prettier, more fluent in English and with animals in tow. I can totally learn to do a back flip off of something and mention your name every time i win a ribbon if that's what you're into. :)

Fuel:

This is a tough one. Although Racetrac and QT both have similar prices and locations, it's really fun to say, "QT"- like "cutee"..."gotta drop by the cutee on the way to the barn". And they have that mocha alert cappucino that I'm sure is no where even closely related to actual coffee but it tastes amazing and has enough caffeine to get a hippo through a marathon. And they have BIG pickles, delicious turkey sandwiches and apple fritters, and corn dogs but with crescent roll crust. Anyone who's ever been stuck at a horse show for like 43 hours with no food KNOWS how good a corn dog from QT can taste. Clearly, I'm already a loyal customer- just imagine the untapped revenue stream you guys could get from me converting every giant diesel drinking truck to convert to loving the "CUTEE" as well. SEA of potential converts (all those white specks in the background are trailers, attached to trucks!):

we horse people love horse power- in every sense of the word

Race Trac, don't worry- you are still in the running, if you can outdo the surely forthcoming sponsorship package from QT. My demands are simple, diesel fuel, delicious highly caffienated beverages, big pickles, and corn dogs.

Farm Equipment: 

I'm not really sure yet on this one. I mean, I like the color green, so clearly John Deere is a frontrunner, but I like the name "New Holland", since my middle name is Holland. So pretty much whoever can deliver one of those cool tractors with the "unicorn" attachment so I can move round bales around and my husband can drive it around an be entertained gets the job. Thanks- let me know when it will arrive so I can be sure to have a crowd gathered to see my new metal unicorn.

Feed:

The mare is VERY partial to her Seminole Gold-Chance Hi Efficiency pellets and Ultra Bloom rice bran so Seminole was the only choice for this one. They have a pretty big name in racing circles and are based out of Florida, but the big mare and I would love to make them the go-to feed for eventers as well. Seriously- I LOVE Seminole feeds and the science behind it. Also, their customer service is top notch when I have a product question. She eats four bags a month exactly and with great gusto!

Supplements:

Steadfast Equine by Arenus

info here

LOVE this supplement. It's easy, convenient, and it just shows up at my door every other month. I love the chemistry behind it's formulation and that it addresses soft AND hard tissue maintenance and repair. Plus it smells kind of good- like soup- and she eats it without hesitation! I sing it's praises to everyone who asks me questions like "how come jazz only gets one supplement?" "how come her feet are so good for a TB and shes barefoot?" "why does her coat look good in winter?", "she had 67 starts as a racehorse and gets no injections???". Yes Arenus, you have a disciple, and I even took a package of this supplement to a chemistry genius and had him break it down and ya know what? They aren't even kidding when they say it benefits joints, ligaments and bones plus coat and feet. LOVE it! Would gladly plaster your very unoffensive logo on my saddle pads and explain the science behind the magical packet of goodness to everyone that asks about it. After all, 80% of your customer base shows at lower level shows....just sayin'

Tack:

This is a tricky one. I don't want to be forced to use certain equipment because I am super picky about tack. I like older saddles. Although I do have dreams about Vespucci bridles. Jazz does too- she told me how good that nice soft leather would feel against her lovely face. She would tell all the other horses to make their mom's buy them Vespucci bridles. 

And she wants a Mattes sheepskin half pad with shims for the front right side. She is working on building her topline, but Gah, no one has a perfectly symmetrical body, and the little dip behind her right shoulder can really make her dressage and jumping saddle feel weird. She wanted to tell all those sheep thank you for their sacrifices for her benefit and that she also enjoys the breathability of their fleeces- there are very few textures that she will tolerate against her skin, but she loves the sheepskin!

Personal care items:

Shampoo- I have a two year long obsession with Suave Professionals moisturizing shampoo- it smells like coconuts and it's amazing. Jazz get's bathed with Suave as well and also enjoys smelling like a very large brown coconut. It makes our hair so soft and clean. Really, we are very easy to please and very low maintenance and we smell good. People like us.

Moisturizer, sunscreen and lip balm: AVEENO! oh AVEENO, I could not live a day without you. I order your VERY hard to find lip balm in bulk from an undisclosed online pharmacy because it is NEVER available locally and I cannot share my sources, and without your sunscreen and moisturizer and lotion, I would look like a crinkly lobster made of leather- much like the older women of the upper level eventing set- scary. No thank you, I will not sacrifice my skin for any amazing horse related lifestyle when I can just slather myself in Aveeno products every day and force them upon my often sunburned, windburned, chapped and dehydrated fellow equestriennes. If I sneak around the corner of your barn aisle at a show and spray you with sunscreen as I dart past, you will thank me later! The Aveeno kind is not sticky, and doesn't sting your eyes when the sweat from underneath your helmet drips down into your face on cross country! AVEENO- listen up, I could really use some samples to give out at shows, I ASSURE you that we in the equestrian sporting world NEED your products- and no one markets them to us- help me help you.

Boots:

Le chameau- I love you. let me just say that. I'm sure people who don't know me personally but see me around school, the grocery story, the library, etc. wonder WHY it is that that woman always has on tall olive green rubber boots? Does she work on a dairy farm? Is she a pirate? Maybe she has a lower leg deformity she is trying to cover up? Nope- I just love wearing your boots. They keep my feet dry, warm, and they are so comfy. Do they look great with yoga pants- probably not, but I don't care! Who needs tennis shoes or weird looking crocs when you can wear tall rubber boots every day?

Dress boots and field boots: 

This sponsorship opportunity will be highly competitive. I currently own 5 pair of quality tall boots, but each seems to have a fatal flaw in fit or design. Honestly, when you pay over 400$ for a pair of dress boots, its more than just disappointing when the zippers fail after a year of use and the sole falls off. Get with it people- the dang boots are just getting comfortable after a year- I don't WANT to replace them and have to wade through 48 brands and styles of boots to find decent ones. And WHO may I ask does this industry use as fit models? Weird cankle cursed tube legged people? Just from general observation, a human leg tapers down from the knee to the ankle. If you would like a diagram of the anatomy of the human lower leg, I will be glad to let you borrow a book. Lord, no wonder people finally just lose their minds and pay 900$ for custom boots- it's a constant battle! Make decent boots for people that actually ride and wear them! It's your job!

One day, when someone actually cares about my opinion, and makes good boots, I will buy you a billboard on the side of 75 to exclaim your success. I swear.

Stress relief:

I think a traveling massage therapist could make a killing at horse shows and clinics. I will gladly share you and you can probably charge like $80 a minute and people would pay it. Just kindly remember who's idea it was to take you to shows and horse events, and please remember for about 60 minutes, once a week. Thanks.

Stress eating:

Everyone has a weakness, admit it. Mine is oreos. When i have a bad day I just want about eight twelve oreos and all of the sudden my bad mood disappears. Charlie Sheen may not agree, but really, i think oreo binges are far less detrimental to my overall health than slamming 7 gram rocks. And I'm fresh out of tiger blood, so Oreos it is. Nabisco, I'm really not quite sure what I could give you in return for this sponsorship, but my horse likes them too, so maybe you could market them as horse treats too. whatever it takes, I NEED them.

Celebrations and merriement:

At the end of a long summer day of riding, I am thirsty, and nothing pleases me more on a hot Georgia afternoon, than cracking open an ice cold Miller High Life. Fortunately for our small and pretty un-judgemental horse community, driving golf carts around horse show grounds sipping beers is generally accepted unless you are an uptight weirdo who escaped from DQ prison. So miller, let me tell you what. I am like SUPER friendly and generally sociable, people talk to me, even when I don't want them to. Send me lots of beer to share with them because I don't think people know how good Miller High Life is! 

From the champagne of beers to actual champagne, Veuve Cliquot Ponsardin, I am going to need you to install a fountain of some sort in my house. Not only are you the best because a woman started your lovely champagne house, but also because you taste like the nectar of heaven. Nothing is a celebration without you. Can you also make me a giant reproduction of your label to plaster on the side of my horse trailer? I'm pretty sure no one has ever done that before and it would look awesome. My horse is very pretty and horse people generally love to drink, so the trailer would be quite the attention getter. I promise not to drink and drive, just drive and promote and then drink when I get there. K Perfect.

Other sponsorship opportunities:

- an organic farm to provide me and the chickens with veggies and tout the awesomeness of eating fresh, local and not commercial.

- sports bras- see the section on boots for explanation of my feelings...

- dog training- with all of these upcoming sponsorships, my life will be spent in the public eye, so my dogs should probably not be a giant embarrassment of spoiled and undisciplined behaviours. Help.

**disclaimer**- obviously the blog post is intended as mostly a joke and i know i am not cool enough to get my life sponsored so don't take this all seriously and get offended about things. i like to dream big.  thanks.