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we are now interrupting your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this...

in case you thought your life was unglamorous, or that weird things only happen to you, let me just give you a list of the weirdness that has been this week! most of my weird experiences have to do with money or poop- i am cursed in that area- literally.  is it friday yet?

1. i went to make a deposit at the ATM and during the process, the ATM froze, of course with my card in it. i called the 800 number on the ATM and after pressing 1, then 4, then 8, then 0, then screaming an obscenity into the phone, an actual person picked up, put me on hold for 11 minutes, and then the ATM magically unfroze and spit my card out. seriously, this kind of thing only happens to me. oh, and my deposit still hasn't posted, of course. oh Bank of America, one day, i am going to devote an entire blog post just to you....

2. rylie boo pooped out an intact $10 bill on monday. i went to pick up her poop off the rug and it was strangely light and not dense. then i saw writing....
 no idea how the poodle had access to stray cash, but i'm hoping she will continue to defecate currency on a daily basis. and yes, i washed it off and kept it.

3. i threw away $40 that i was hiding from myself as "emergency money". since gas costs $98,000 a week, i was looking for it and realized that when i cleaned out my office, i threw away the container it was in. awesome- i'm such a responsible adult. it made me wonder how much money gets thrown away each year on average.

4. the twins that i nanny for are growing up so fast, and the boy twin has entered a lovely new developmental phase that i like to call "poop on the nanny". i often joke that i should change my facebook work info to "feces manager", between the twins, the chickens, the horses and the dogs, my days are generally spent arranging for the disposal of one type of feces or another, but boy twin has taken it to a whole new level. his poop is NOT baby sized, it is huge, and sticky, and it leaks out the sides and top of his diapers and often into his pants. his favorite move is to 'death roll' crocodile style while simultaneously kicking his feet as soon as i remove the diaper so that he spreads the poop all over himself and usually onto me. i have had to change my clothes twice and shower once after these magnanimous poop fests. it's excellent birth control and i suggest all moms make their teenage daughters babysit infants. i won't even comment on the smells. God bless the creator of the diaper genie!

5. after the ATM tried to freeze with my debit card inside, now I can't find it. and yes, mom, i did re-trace my steps. cool. if someone did steal it, they are going to become very familiar with the word "declined", so i'm sure my identity is not one they would want to steal.

6. babies really like to play with toys that aren't for babies. i think the twins stay awake at night and think of elaborate ways to get access to my cell phone. boy twin dropped it today, (no idea how he got it), and now it wont turn on. yay!

that's all for now, i smell another dirty diaper! maybe boy twin will poop out my debit card.