Sunday, January 3, 2010

i love paulding county...NOT

my actual conversation with man at feed store in paulding county that will remain nameless:

background- as I'm getting out of my car, which reads 24 degrees F, I see a distraught looking black sheep tied to a flat bed trailer with a dog leash. This bothers me a bit, since sheep are grazers and need hay/grass to keep their digestive systems (they are ruminants) running properly and this one is standing on asphalt with no hay in sight, and its freezing and the leash is too short for her to lie down, and sheep hate being alone. Immediately, the sound of Sarah McLaughlin singing plays in my head and I start to tear up.

So I walk into feed store, place my order, and during checkout I say,

"Is there always a lonely cold black sheep tied to that trailer out there?"

Feed store man in heavy country accent: "Naw, at niiiiiiiiight we bring her inside and put her in a cage."

THE END of his response.

my thoughts.... oh, ok, so she's miserable all the time instead of just sometimes. great.

anyone need a black sheep? I will be glad to steal her and deliver her. just a thought. She is really cute and about the size of a lab.

Welcoming 2010

2009 came and went in what seems like the blink of an eye. I can't really judge whether or not it was a good year or a bad year because there were some great moments, like deciding to go back to school for nursing, and getting Jazz (who will be introduced formally in a few days), and there were some really not so great moments, like fracturing my ankle and it taking forever and a day to heal, and the washing machine overflowing and flooding into our living room below... but over all, I'd say it certainly was not a boring year!

I am welcoming 2010 with a renewed spirit and starting a new decade seems exciting as well. Writing "2010" seems easier already than "2009" and it looks cuter on checks and it's an even number, which for some reason comforts me. Anyway, Ryan and I made a few resolutions for "us" and I decided to make a lot of smaller and more realistic resolutions for myself than try to make one big one that may seem unattainable and therefore get ignored. I decided to share a few of them here so I can refer back to them as needed and hopefully check a few of them off as the days pass by. Here we go!

1. Devote more attention and affection to my loved ones.
I have a fabulous family and husband and pets and I am extraordinarily blessed to have them in my life. Sometimes, I think we forget to give attention to those who are closest to us because we are accustomed to having them around and speaking with them every day and instead focus attention on friends, co-workers, bosses, or whoever is screaming the loudest for our time and help. I have to learn to say "no" sometimes to those that tend to monopolize my time and instead give more of myself to those that are patiently waiting at home, whether it be a human or an animal. Also, strangely, I have never been a "huggy" person. I assure you that I WAS hugged as a child and it's not that I don't like hugging people, I honestly just don't think about it and am often surprised when people hug me. It's sort of weird because I am pretty nurturing by nature and love to have something to take care of but I am missing the "hug initiation" gene somewhere. So I am going to initiate at least one hug a week with someone other than my husband, who is my absolute favorite person ever to hug and probably gets sick of me making up my hug deficit on him. So if I hug you as a greeting... don't get weirded out.

2. Forgive and be confident.
I am NOT a grudge holder at all and can often disagree with someone about something and be totally over it the next minute, but I am actually really sensitive to what others say and do when relating to me. When I get my feelings seriously hurt, I don't really get mad or talk negatively about someone, I basically just avoid them altogether and really am more scared of them than upset AT them. Hence, if I think you are mad at me, I won't answer phone calls or e-mails or be anywhere where you might be - ever. I can take non-confrontational to a whole new level. I just assume if people are mean of have hurt my feelings that they are no longer interested in having me in their lives at all so I remove myself. I take this to an unhealthy extreme sometimes. So since it is a new decade, I am turning over a new leaf and becoming more confident in myself and in the intentions of others. I think this bad habit started in middle/high school when I moved to a new town and attended a new school and spent A LOT of time feeling left out, rejected, disliked etc. Some of this was perhaps unintentional and some of it not, but it started me down this path of avoidance. I like to think I hid it fairly well and acted normal and confident and involved and social, but I was not feeling any of those things. When I look back, I think I enjoyed myself about 17 minutes of high school. I totally tried to prove myself constantly and it was a hard job day in and day out. Maybe everyone feels like this, but my heart pounds when I think about how certain people made me feel and things that were said to/about me. I am 26 years old and have a successful life and great friends and great family and marriage but honestly, to this very day, when I see certain people who were nasty to me WAY back when, I will avoid eye contact and do things like hide in a different aisle of a store in order to avoid having to say hello because they way they made me feel will come flooding back and my heart will pound and that damned lump will rise up into my throat. Ridiculous huh? The moment I went off to college things got a lot better for me and I am a completely different person now and much more comfortable in my own skin. I learned about myself that it is totally ok to not be good at everything and to not be able to please everyone. I also am totally ok with not everyone being my friend- it just isn't realistic. God made all of us different and individual and I have learned to embrace that rather than worry that I'm being judged based on it. So I am perhaps going to say hello to old acquaintances when I see them rather than hide behind magazine racks, and maybe attend more events where those people that scare me to death may also be and I'm not going to spend my entire time with those people assuming that they hate me- because there's really nothing to hate and neither me nor them, deserve the reputation we have. Whew! Moving on...

3. Stop thinking about a number and start thinking about a feeling! I am NOT going to do my typical new year's diet resolution. I have struggled with my weight and thoughts about my weight for a ridiculous amount of time- it's draining. I'm done. I'm done trying to be a certain size, but I'm starting to try for a feeling, a feeling of health and athleticism. I am putting it in terms of my favorite sport... equestrian! (surprise!) My horse is an incredible athlete, she raced for the first six years of her life and won six races and placed in the top three many times. She is bred for athleticism and her work ethic is impressive to me every day. There isn't a lazy hair on her body! As her partner in the sport, my athleticism affects her greatly. I can either work with her or against her and I'm fairly certain that hauling a toned and fit rider is easier than hauling a flabby struggling one. Having ridden for a long time, my muscle memory for the "riding" muscles is strong and I am considerably more fit from a cardio standpoint than I look(my personal trainer once exclaimed "you are WAY more in shape than you look" wow, thanks?), but I NEED more overall fitness and I want to LOOK fit. I need to be a "whole" athlete in order to get Jazz and I to the level of competition we have the potential for- not just a rider. Skinny, I will never be- I'm just not built like that! I never really believed the "she's big boned" thing until I had a bone scan last summer and saw the circumference of my bones actual size- they are HUGE! (praying our kids get ryan's bone structure) But walking a runway is not what I seek to do so that's fine. My bones are built for strength and endurance, which is complementary to equestrian sport... so yee haw for that. The current quite comfortable layer of lipids OVER the top of those bones should be decreased by my new 'be as fit as your horse' plan for this year so expect some changes. I might jog some, or even run.

4. Get a freaking website already.
My jewelry business is based on word of mouth only. Which is fine since most of the time pieces sell faster than I can make them, but I could be considerably less financially stressed if I ran my business like a business and got a website going, and took photos of my work, and quit giving stuff away, and advertised and kept records of expenses. Also, I need to finish more paintings in a timely manner. A two year wait isn't really building the business. I have no excuse other than ADD, which hasn't been officially diagnosed so even that doesn't really fly.

5. Keep my car clean. (this is embarrassing)
I LOVE my car. Which is a VW CC and very cute. Unfortunately, it's a trash hole/clothes hamper/tack box/feed store/shoe store/filing cabinet etc... Currently, there is a saddle, two bridles, and breastplate and running martingale, two saddle pads, uggs, riding boots, wellington boots, flip flops, a bank statement, marie claire, practical horseman, electric bill, student loan statement, tervis tumbler, nalgene bottle, hair brush, mascara, sunglasses, socks, a sportsbra, dog leash, 1.5 pairs gloves, 'barn" fleece jacket, "not barn" fleece jacket, lint roller, knife and leatherman tool, wedding invite, empty alfalfa pellet bag, organic chemistry book, an aquamarine ring and a sapphire ring, multiple receipts, BB&B coupon, scarf, dog treats, a strand of unstrung pearls, surefire flashlight and a target bag full of clothes in my back seat. That list does NOT include the contents of my trunk. I am busting myself here but HOW does this happen? I have no idea. I think I try to be so organized in life than my car becomes the only place where I "let loose". I need a car mess-making intervention. However, if you ever need anything random while stuck on the side of the road, chances are I have it in my car. We should start car item BINGO to entertain ourselves in Atlanta traffic... I would dominate.

That's enough for now. So to anyone who actually reads this blog, next time you see me, make sure I say hello, give you a hug, ask how my jogs are going, ask for my jewelry website address, and see if you can sit in my car... hold me accountable for this stuff!

Happy New Year and send me your resolutions too- I will publish the really good ones and help keep you accountable too!