thought for the day:

today i am having a hard time being a grown up and accepting that "things are the way they are", and "life isn't fair", and other boring old sayings etc. i don't want to turn into one of those people that just accepts "no" as an answer and becomes unwilling to ever stand up for anything that they believe or want because it isn't easy enough.

i was considering this morning, while i was cleaning out my closet, that if given the chance to do anything i wanted, every day, for the rest of my life, i would choose to "save things". not the stuff in my closet, but i would choose to find off the track thoroughbreds new homes, and unwanted pets homes and veterinary care, and kids that no one wanted and the "system" gave up on and place where they could grow up and be loved, and have medical care and the kind of "education" they need, not the one that was mandated for them and just didn't work.

when i drive down the road and the lottery billboard states a jackpot of 287 million or some asinine number that i can't actually realistically fathom, i like to think about what i would do with that money.

i have visions of giant farms with big old farmhouses that i get to artfully restore and turn into a home for the kids that no one wants to deal with. a big barn full of thoroughbreds that have come in from the track to relax, and gain weight, and adjust to life and retraining as a riding horse. the three legged dogs and plain big black dogs that shed, and little one eye'd kitties roam the barn and farm and keep away the varmints.  the kids learn real actual skills that can get them jobs one day that they can keep by working on the farm. they learn about planting and harvesting and physical labor and driving tractors, and cleaning out stalls and chicken coops, and collecting eggs and always feeding and picking up after one thing or another. learning to ride and train horses, and learning patience with animals that are the best at teaching it, and learning most of all- to love and care for things outside of themselves. it's my utopian symbiotic relationship farm- and i want it.

but because "life isn't fair" and "things are the way they are", no endeavor like mine is ever profitable, and no one invests time or money or much of themselves into something not profitable. and that, to me, is not cool. and it makes me sad. so even though the likelihood of me winning the lotto is slim to none, (it's especially hard to win the lotto if you don't play), one day, when i am a grown-up that STILL refuses to believe all the boring people that always just say "no" and "you can't" and i do find a way to have my utopian symbiotic relationship farm (which will obviously need an easier to pronounce name), all the boring old grown-ups can come and stay for as long as they like. they can pick their dinner from the garden, and spend time remembering how to simply give away love when the horses and dogs and cats and chickens insist on their attention, and they can learn how to discern horse hay from cow hay and weld a horse trailer back together from a kid that everyone said would never be a functional member of society. so there.