i love paulding county...NOT

my actual conversation with man at feed store in paulding county that will remain nameless:

background- as I'm getting out of my car, which reads 24 degrees F, I see a distraught looking black sheep tied to a flat bed trailer with a dog leash. This bothers me a bit, since sheep are grazers and need hay/grass to keep their digestive systems (they are ruminants) running properly and this one is standing on asphalt with no hay in sight, and its freezing and the leash is too short for her to lie down, and sheep hate being alone. Immediately, the sound of Sarah McLaughlin singing plays in my head and I start to tear up.

So I walk into feed store, place my order, and during checkout I say,

"Is there always a lonely cold black sheep tied to that trailer out there?"

Feed store man in heavy country accent: "Naw, at niiiiiiiiight we bring her inside and put her in a cage."

THE END of his response.

my thoughts.... oh, ok, so she's miserable all the time instead of just sometimes. great.

anyone need a black sheep? I will be glad to steal her and deliver her. just a thought. She is really cute and about the size of a lab.

Welcoming 2010

2009 came and went in what seems like the blink of an eye. I can't really judge whether or not it was a good year or a bad year because there were some great moments, like deciding to go back to school for nursing, and getting Jazz (who will be introduced formally in a few days), and there were some really not so great moments, like fracturing my ankle and it taking forever and a day to heal, and the washing machine overflowing and flooding into our living room below... but over all, I'd say it certainly was not a boring year!

I am welcoming 2010 with a renewed spirit and starting a new decade seems exciting as well. Writing "2010" seems easier already than "2009" and it looks cuter on checks and it's an even number, which for some reason comforts me. Anyway, Ryan and I made a few resolutions for "us" and I decided to make a lot of smaller and more realistic resolutions for myself than try to make one big one that may seem unattainable and therefore get ignored. I decided to share a few of them here so I can refer back to them as needed and hopefully check a few of them off as the days pass by. Here we go!

1. Devote more attention and affection to my loved ones.
I have a fabulous family and husband and pets and I am extraordinarily blessed to have them in my life. Sometimes, I think we forget to give attention to those who are closest to us because we are accustomed to having them around and speaking with them every day and instead focus attention on friends, co-workers, bosses, or whoever is screaming the loudest for our time and help. I have to learn to say "no" sometimes to those that tend to monopolize my time and instead give more of myself to those that are patiently waiting at home, whether it be a human or an animal. Also, strangely, I have never been a "huggy" person. I assure you that I WAS hugged as a child and it's not that I don't like hugging people, I honestly just don't think about it and am often surprised when people hug me. It's sort of weird because I am pretty nurturing by nature and love to have something to take care of but I am missing the "hug initiation" gene somewhere. So I am going to initiate at least one hug a week with someone other than my husband, who is my absolute favorite person ever to hug and probably gets sick of me making up my hug deficit on him. So if I hug you as a greeting... don't get weirded out.

2. Forgive and be confident.
I am NOT a grudge holder at all and can often disagree with someone about something and be totally over it the next minute, but I am actually really sensitive to what others say and do when relating to me. When I get my feelings seriously hurt, I don't really get mad or talk negatively about someone, I basically just avoid them altogether and really am more scared of them than upset AT them. Hence, if I think you are mad at me, I won't answer phone calls or e-mails or be anywhere where you might be - ever. I can take non-confrontational to a whole new level. I just assume if people are mean of have hurt my feelings that they are no longer interested in having me in their lives at all so I remove myself. I take this to an unhealthy extreme sometimes. So since it is a new decade, I am turning over a new leaf and becoming more confident in myself and in the intentions of others. I think this bad habit started in middle/high school when I moved to a new town and attended a new school and spent A LOT of time feeling left out, rejected, disliked etc. Some of this was perhaps unintentional and some of it not, but it started me down this path of avoidance. I like to think I hid it fairly well and acted normal and confident and involved and social, but I was not feeling any of those things. When I look back, I think I enjoyed myself about 17 minutes of high school. I totally tried to prove myself constantly and it was a hard job day in and day out. Maybe everyone feels like this, but my heart pounds when I think about how certain people made me feel and things that were said to/about me. I am 26 years old and have a successful life and great friends and great family and marriage but honestly, to this very day, when I see certain people who were nasty to me WAY back when, I will avoid eye contact and do things like hide in a different aisle of a store in order to avoid having to say hello because they way they made me feel will come flooding back and my heart will pound and that damned lump will rise up into my throat. Ridiculous huh? The moment I went off to college things got a lot better for me and I am a completely different person now and much more comfortable in my own skin. I learned about myself that it is totally ok to not be good at everything and to not be able to please everyone. I also am totally ok with not everyone being my friend- it just isn't realistic. God made all of us different and individual and I have learned to embrace that rather than worry that I'm being judged based on it. So I am perhaps going to say hello to old acquaintances when I see them rather than hide behind magazine racks, and maybe attend more events where those people that scare me to death may also be and I'm not going to spend my entire time with those people assuming that they hate me- because there's really nothing to hate and neither me nor them, deserve the reputation we have. Whew! Moving on...

3. Stop thinking about a number and start thinking about a feeling! I am NOT going to do my typical new year's diet resolution. I have struggled with my weight and thoughts about my weight for a ridiculous amount of time- it's draining. I'm done. I'm done trying to be a certain size, but I'm starting to try for a feeling, a feeling of health and athleticism. I am putting it in terms of my favorite sport... equestrian! (surprise!) My horse is an incredible athlete, she raced for the first six years of her life and won six races and placed in the top three many times. She is bred for athleticism and her work ethic is impressive to me every day. There isn't a lazy hair on her body! As her partner in the sport, my athleticism affects her greatly. I can either work with her or against her and I'm fairly certain that hauling a toned and fit rider is easier than hauling a flabby struggling one. Having ridden for a long time, my muscle memory for the "riding" muscles is strong and I am considerably more fit from a cardio standpoint than I look(my personal trainer once exclaimed "you are WAY more in shape than you look" wow, thanks?), but I NEED more overall fitness and I want to LOOK fit. I need to be a "whole" athlete in order to get Jazz and I to the level of competition we have the potential for- not just a rider. Skinny, I will never be- I'm just not built like that! I never really believed the "she's big boned" thing until I had a bone scan last summer and saw the circumference of my bones actual size- they are HUGE! (praying our kids get ryan's bone structure) But walking a runway is not what I seek to do so that's fine. My bones are built for strength and endurance, which is complementary to equestrian sport... so yee haw for that. The current quite comfortable layer of lipids OVER the top of those bones should be decreased by my new 'be as fit as your horse' plan for this year so expect some changes. I might jog some, or even run.

4. Get a freaking website already.
My jewelry business is based on word of mouth only. Which is fine since most of the time pieces sell faster than I can make them, but I could be considerably less financially stressed if I ran my business like a business and got a website going, and took photos of my work, and quit giving stuff away, and advertised and kept records of expenses. Also, I need to finish more paintings in a timely manner. A two year wait isn't really building the business. I have no excuse other than ADD, which hasn't been officially diagnosed so even that doesn't really fly.

5. Keep my car clean. (this is embarrassing)
I LOVE my car. Which is a VW CC and very cute. Unfortunately, it's a trash hole/clothes hamper/tack box/feed store/shoe store/filing cabinet etc... Currently, there is a saddle, two bridles, and breastplate and running martingale, two saddle pads, uggs, riding boots, wellington boots, flip flops, a bank statement, marie claire, practical horseman, electric bill, student loan statement, tervis tumbler, nalgene bottle, hair brush, mascara, sunglasses, socks, a sportsbra, dog leash, 1.5 pairs gloves, 'barn" fleece jacket, "not barn" fleece jacket, lint roller, knife and leatherman tool, wedding invite, empty alfalfa pellet bag, organic chemistry book, an aquamarine ring and a sapphire ring, multiple receipts, BB&B coupon, scarf, dog treats, a strand of unstrung pearls, surefire flashlight and a target bag full of clothes in my back seat. That list does NOT include the contents of my trunk. I am busting myself here but HOW does this happen? I have no idea. I think I try to be so organized in life than my car becomes the only place where I "let loose". I need a car mess-making intervention. However, if you ever need anything random while stuck on the side of the road, chances are I have it in my car. We should start car item BINGO to entertain ourselves in Atlanta traffic... I would dominate.

That's enough for now. So to anyone who actually reads this blog, next time you see me, make sure I say hello, give you a hug, ask how my jogs are going, ask for my jewelry website address, and see if you can sit in my car... hold me accountable for this stuff!

Happy New Year and send me your resolutions too- I will publish the really good ones and help keep you accountable too!

Fall in the south...lucky us

OK, minus the recent torrential seemingly never ending rain showers we've had since the great flood of September, this has been a lovely fall. Fall in the south is one of the most charming and exciting times to live down in heaven of the USA.

Three times a week I drag my dirty haired leftover smeared mascara self out of bed at about 6:00 am to head to Hollister Farms and feed the horses in the morning. You'd think, since I have been involved in equestrian activities since childhood, (read- 4am horse show departures and braiding manes with a flashlight in my mouth so we can get to the hunt on time and looking well turned-out) that I would be a morning person. Well... I'm not. I LONG to be a morning person but my body just runs itself off of this internal clock that prefers turning in at 2am and sleeping till 10. So, needless to say, I love getting to the barn in the mornings and watching the boys saunter over to the gate to greet me while the sky is still pink with fresh sunshine, but LORD, I just hope no one sees me when I'm out there because "hot mess" doesn't even describe it. I don't drink coffee so don't bother suggesting it and I have NO idea how my little VW drives itself to the barn because I an nowhere near conscious enough to get there by myself, but once I get there, the zen begins. Now back to fall in GA...

At 6:45 am, since our lovely time change, the sun shine is reaching it's little fingers through the pine trees and the morning dew on top of the metal barn roof is gathering for its morning slide down into the grass below. When I arrive, the boys greet me at the gate with expectant little nickers and the rhythmic dripping of the dew off the roof sets the rhythm for my hour there. There's still a nip in the air just chilly enough to make me look forward to warming my hands on the side of a blanketed horse and the smells of feed and hay and wet grass float across my face as I bring them in one by one to their stalls to eat breakfast. As the air warms and my breath quickens from scooping sweet smelling feed into buckets and walking the horses in, my favorite part of morning comes along to remind me why it is I am able to drag myself from between they warmth of my sleeping husband, a soft brown poodle, and a down comforter. As I listen to the boys swirl their lips in their buckets and contentedly munch their breakfast, I get to watch the sun come over the tree line. Often, just about this time, a pair of hawks become visible in the tree line next to the pasture and they sit there, feathers fluffed surveying their new day and possibly their next meal. Every once in a while, a few does or a big barn owl are still hanging out behind the barn and they see me and don't immediately make their way deeper into the woods, which makes me feel even happier to get a be a part of this morning. Between the wildlife and the horses and sun and the gusty little morning breezes, I appreciate this time of year and offer up a quick prayer thanking God for making a place like this.

Over the last few weeks, the grass has yellowed and the leaves have made the woods look bare and grey, save for an evergreen here and there, but there's something just as beautiful about this time of year as there is about the fresh greens of spring, which if you asked me in April, I would tell you is my favorite time of year. Now, as my muddy wellington boots crunch across the leaves and turn the boys out for a day in the pasture, I know that God gives us these seasons to renew our spirits with something new just as much as He does to prepare our earth for a season of dormancy. As I hop back in the car to rush off to Chem lab, I sigh as I prepare to fight the traffic between the barn and KSU and wish for a second that I could just enjoy the day with the horses and taking in the sights and sounds of what promises to be a lovely fall day, but somewhere in my thoughts, my other favorite parts of fall; football games, new jeans and boots and glasses of wine shared on cool porches make my 35 minute journey back to my more urban reality worth the trip. Getting to experience both sides of this season in one day makes me a lucky girl. I whisper another quick prayer to thank Him for the chance to do this three times a week, turn up my Sugarland cd and hope my hair gets to meet some shampoo before anyone makes eye contact with me.

archaelogical dig

So when did FOSSIL brand get so cute? I love so much stuff on their website right now from funky chunky jewelry to bags to my ultimate fav... the boots! I haven't paid attention to FOSSIL since shopping for watches for my BF in like... 9th grade? Silly me!

So here's the question, these boots are super cute but not super inexpensive. If I buy a pair, which ones am I going to still like next season? Do the flat ones with the ankle buckle (option A) make people question my sexual orientation with their masculine biker-ish look? Do the ones with the wider calf opening (option B) shorten the leg and make me look stumpy(er)? Help please. If you can't comment on this site- which lots of people seem to have trouble with will you send your vote to ellie4uga@gmail.com? Thanks!

Option A

Option B

See all the choices at www.fossil.com

Evidence...

So the crate training is working for Rylie Boo. Not so much for Doodle though- she's gets a little "Rain Man" on us when confined. Rylie took her duck into her house today and laid down all on her own- I was very proud! (Picture quality is terrible but I had to catch this with the wretched camera phone before she knew what I was doing and escaped.)

PS- the crate training is especially useful when trying to prevent drive-by "nickel lippings" - that ones for you J and D! :)

The City and High Battery Bluff

CAUTION- seriously cynical tirade and exploration of lifestyle ahead

So Ryan is out of town this weekend and I have been spending my Saturday night by watching a marathon of The City on OnDemand (the one GOOD thing about Comcast) and eating an unmentionable amount of brownie mix before I cooked it. Shut up- you've done it too.

Anyway, while watching perfect skinny girls galavant around with totally awesome/easy jobs and access to the best clothes and accessories on earth I was starting to feel really old, boring, and unfashionable. I was pretty sure I had the unfashionable part nailed since I was sitting on the couch wearing the riding pants I've had on all day with black and white polka dotted tall socks under my Uggs along with an absolutely ANCIENT brown North Face Denali and a bra that could contain a herd of wild elephants. But I was thinking to myself... "I totally have the same if not better taste in fashion than these chicks and they are practically dictating what's "in" for the seasons to come!" This made me feel a little better about myself. Also, I pretty much think I could do their jobs on any given day and I have no "training" in fashion. Maybe I am overestimating my taste, or maybe they are making something really trivial seem harder than it is. Now, I wouldnt for one minute trade my life out here in the burbs with those chicks but watching that show does make me miss going out, shopping- which only happens in my dreams now, and dressing in things other than riding clothes and "nanny wear" i.e. workout pants and jeans. I wonder though if sometimes those girls feel like their lives are just plain awesome or a little "emtpy". Even though they look so cute all the time and are pretty much surrounded by cute boys wooing them every day, I think I would tire of that lifestyle- but probably not the paycheck.

Do they know what its like to look foward to coming home at night and snuggling with their doggie? Do they know what they are missing on a beautiful Saturday afternoon spent outside on a horse with friends? Am I the only one who thinks thats fun? I think I am at a point in my life where my priorities are changing. I seem to bounce back and forth between two worlds where reading fashion magazine and blogs about fashion and thinking that I need to pay attention to all that and then the other world where some days I think it all seems really superficial and unimportant and I realize that I am the same person in jeans and a t-shirt as I am in TIBI.

I also tire of the constant need of my generation to feel cool by (Disclaimer: if you eat at chain restaurants- stop reading now) driving all the way to midtown/highlands to eat at some crappy place like Cheesecake Factory or Dantes Down the Hatch when I can get actual good and healthy food at a REAL restuaurant that is not delivered by a Sysco truck. I am, totally admittedly, a major food snob because my bro is a fantabulous chef and both sides of my family are pretty much foodies but REALLY- why would anyone actually want to gather at a place like, "gag noise", Olive Garden, Shout, or Panera. It just kills me when people that I enjoy being friends with want to meet at places like this. I really do want to hang out, I just can't go to places like this. I used to miss social gatherings all the time in Athens because people always wanted to go to Jason's Deli. OMG I can't imagine anywhere more frightnening- except for an unnamed place that serves chicken and waffles together. Enough about my restuarant phobias, back to The City... those girls do seem to have good taste in restaurants and date spots- which also makes me want to go back to NYC to visit or spend more time in ATL proper at our plethora of great boutique restaurants but then again sometimes I feel like I should grab some fresh produce from the market and cook something wholesome at home with Ryan and friends and not be such a "consumer" all the time.

Bottom line is, as I travel what seems like so very quickly through my twenties and inhabit this cute little house sitting on the edge of a big fabulous city and a some beautiful Georgia countryside, I cant decide whether I want to wear great clothes and jewelry and wait eagerly to see what Michael Kors has for us this season, or just throw on my jeans and wellington boots and enjoy the sunrise when I feed the horses and then go home and pick some fresh basil to put on my homegrown tomato slices and be excited to see a goldfinch sitting on my birdfeeder. Can I just do both? Honestly, I do want to do both. Do I have to decide who to be when I grow up yet? For now, I'm just a granola city girl I guess.

two in one day- i know its crazy...

I had chemistry class from 8-9:15 this morning and those of you that know me, or were ever a college roomate of mine know that I rarely, if ever, attend 8 o-clock classes but guess what? I LOVE my chemistry class, like, LOVE IT. I sit there riveted, learning and I like it and I actually go to it- voluntarily! Weird huh? Just a little epiphany for the day, I love chemistry. I'm just sayin'.