“Aren’t we all forced to live with the decisions we make?” The wise words of Lady Mary resonated in my head as I scrolled through my news feed and wondered if it was weird to think that even though your baby is super cute, I still think my horse is cuter. If you are wondering who Lady Mary is, please minimize this window and immediately amend your Netflix queue to include Downton Abbey- all of it. Anyway, it’s funny how a simple Facebook news feed can make you question the decisions you’ve made and the trajectory of your life, or repeatedly remind you that you are exactly where you are meant to be; as I believe wholeheartedly that I am.

I’m 30, there I said it. If you had asked me ten years ago where I would be when I was 30 I assure you I would have given you an entirely different scenario than the one in which I live. When I was twenty I was dangerously sure of myself and my sunny future as an art teacher with a cute house and 2.5 children and 4 dogs.  Now, I realize that had that “plan” come true, I would now be terribly unhappy and unfulfilled. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of friends that took a more traditional domestic path and are blessed with precious children and tremendous happiness. I LOVE looking at their cute pictures and hearing their funny stories and I totally applaud them for being able to get two kids up, dressed, fed and in the car and to school by 8am and managing to look cute doing it! I can barely feed my dogs and find clothes to wear by 8am, much less worry about trying to even speak to anyone else most days. The point is, as the wisdom of being 30seems to spill upon me from every corner of the universe, I am becoming more and more at peace with my less than traditional life- in fact, I love it. Thank goodness for 2011, my worst and best year, where the choices I made, made over my life, and instead of feeling selfish about it, I finally just felt like me. Now I wake up and I know that I am loved, I know that I am thankful for the day and the chance to be present in it, and I know that there is “something more” for me. One day, if I do have 2.5 children and go back to teaching art, I will be ready for it and happy about it, but for now, my life spent with horses, and “horse people” and on the road to here and there is exactly what I need. Every day is a bit of an adventure, and every night I go to bed tired in a good way. I am in fact, entirely able to get up before 8am and get horses ready and in tip top shape for horse shows, because horse shows are still exciting, exhilarating, challenging and fulfilling for me. The majority of the horses I take care of are not mine, never will be, and I will never be the one to ride them into that competition arena, but when they succeed, when they learn and when they exhibit the great athleticism that they possess (hopefully in an obedient manner), it still thrills me to my core. That’s how I know I’m supposed to be in this world.

So many of my non-horsey friends and family ask me what it’s all about to live in the “horse world” now, as they call it. It’s not really something that can be explained in literal terms, and it’s not something that I dare say, the majority of people would care for, but for those of us that know, and understand, and want to be there, the horse world is everything. Over the past few years working at a big eventing farm and traveling, sometimes endlessly, to shows, I have learned a lot about our sport. Some things I’ve seen, heard, and witnessed have made me angry and sad and disillusioned for a while, but at the core, our sport is still about the love and respect for the animal- the horse. Eventers are a bit of a subculture. Many of us are a little rough around the edges after years spent in too much sun, working too hard for too many hours; but so many of us do all that because we want to, not because we have to. It surely isn’t done for the glamorous prizes, the sheer celebrity, and the big fat paychecks. We can, or do, have “regular” jobs” with regular hours, and most of us have to, to even get to be a part of this world. We toil away in the sun, rain, snow, hail, thunder, mud, more mud, and wind, because we just love it. I’ve seen the most fabulous sunrises, sunsets, farms, land, animals, storms, and places solely because of this sport. There’s no way to explain to someone the feeling of a perfect cross country ride, or when your horse finally puts his damn head down and understands what you want in the dressage. Unless you’ve felt it, you just can’t know. If you ask any of those seemingly “rough” eventers about their best ride and their greatest horse, they will become poets in front of you, with smiles that linger in their eyes as they tell you their stories. It always boils down to being just about the horse and the partnership, the ups and downs and challenges and failures are inevitable, but so worth it. There aren’t many sports where you can truly be a lifelong learner, where Olympians still take lessons, instead of just teaching them, or where your “equipment” has a mind of it’s own and your competitors are also your best friends.  That, is my “horse world” in a nutshell and I feel lucky every day to be a part of something so much bigger than just me.

So here I am, in my 30^th year, in a great house in the country, with two dogs, two horses, one goldfish and someone that I love more than I could ever say, and I’m so glad that my choices, some great and others questionable, brought me here. Tomorrow morning, when I wake up and look out my window and see a field full of horses, I’ll be reminded again that doing what you love is never the wrong choice.  

high on summertime

i cant believe it's been three months since my last post- time is FLYING by this spring/summer and i feel like i've sort of been on overdrive since aiken.
we got home from aiken after a weekend full of ups and downs at Poplar and I got to spend the weekend sleeping at my parents' house in Hamilton which was nice. even with the flurry of horse show activity it was great to see them and wake up to a view of the lake- i felt very "homeless" in aiken and I'm not great at making transitions with living quarters so it took a big bunch of stress off of my plate to be somewhere i felt so comfortable.

since we got home from Aiken, after a fairly exhausting truck breakdown on Easter sunday, there has pretty much been a show every weekend and i've been living a bit like a gypsy out of suitcases, shopping bags and my car- which is ummm interesting. i survived my 29th birthday without crying about being old and my friends and family were actually really fantastic and kept me quite entertained, full of sugar, and feeling ok about getting so close to the big 3-0! my sweet boyfriend was out of town that day, but we celebrated later with a romantic dinner and he gave me the first light blue Tiffany's box I have ever received with a really pretty infinity necklace inside- which i wear almost every day.

 i decided to take my yearly vacay to Rolex at the end of April and was excited about it but THEN, i got offered a grooming job AT rolex while we were at the Fork, which was even more exciting- so i took it! it was a fabulously wonderful week grooming for Madeline Blackburn and Gordonstown (and her two other non compete horses) and it was so great to experience Rolex from the "inside looking out" this year as it's always been my absolute favorite horse event of the year. Maddie and Gtown rocked the very difficult XC course which took out almost half the field of competitors and also had only one of three double clear show jumping rounds on sunday- SO amazing!

after a quick week at home and much cuddling with the doggies- who surely think our petsitter is perhaps their real daddy since i've been away so much, we were off this past weekend to MCTA which was a beautiful event and a great weekend where Murray won the intermediate, sammy jo was 5th in the prelim and moddy was 7th in the novice. all the ponies arrive home safely and jogged sound and went out to graze and i had a date with my pajamas! we also got to spend a night out in Baltimore, which has some really cute areas and good food and nightlife. we met Steve's brother and sister-in-law (who is super pregnant and super cute) out for dinners and i was happy "as a clam" with my dinner of oysters and beer. it was too cloudy to see the supermoon, but i realized that i really like Maryland!

the next few months are sure to be action packed with lots of shows- possibly Bromont in Canada- which would be super exciting and hopefully a few weekends at home where i can spend saturday morning wandering around the Charlottesville farmers market and hanging out in the garden with the doggies.

jazz was as glad as i was to be home from Aiken- she was not a fan of the "high stress" environment of that farm and has been stellar on the flat and over fences since we got home. with as much as i am travelling it's hard for me to keep her in consistent work, which she prefers, so i'm considering sending her to a friend in Kentucky who said she would gladly take the ride on her and keep her in shape. it would be great for us both since she appreciates a routine and i need a horse that i can come home to after two weeks and bop around a novice course without quite as much "exuberance" as jazz often has to offer. she's much to sound, athletic and talented to be a pasture puff  and although i have dreams of breeding her for my next horse, it's not in the budget at the moment- although i already have a long list of baby daddy's for her.

boyfriend is travelling as much as i am, if not more, so i relish those shows where he is already there doing the course and i get to see him after work. we have a trip planned to GA soon- which will be fun as he's never spent much time there or met my dad etc. or eaten at my brother's restaurant- so we have some adventures in store and hopefully some down time where i can lay around and be sedentary and cuddle with the doggies and him.

the summer nights are getting warmer and i love that the days are getting longer and longer- i feel like i get so much more accomplished when the days are longer and there's nothing that makes me happier than frolicking around the yard barefoot with the dogs and throwing an easy dinner on the grill. i had a day off today- and even though i have spent the majority of it at the DMV finally getting the VA tags for the car and am currently sitting at an auto garage getting my inspection stickers, i'm looking forward to an evening on the porch and probably and early bedtime. im so old- i know.

more later- i have a rant about 3 series BMW's and salt life stickers to share....

-ellie

a breath of fresh air...

I was busy they other night being super lame because I am now "normally" in bed by about 8:30 these days; (Why? Because I'm perilously close to turning 29 and apparently that means I get lamer by the day...)
and I was reading a little magazine on the history of Aiken and learned that originally, people started coming here for the fresh air and to get away from the muggy, buggy, air in Charleston. It was a respite for those with respiratory issues, or those that needed a break from "city life". With the vacationers came the horses, and farms were built all over for polo and foxhunting and other equestrian sport.

Here we are today and Aiken is still a cute very horse centered town. I have to agree the air is often quite crisp and it's strangely breezy most of the time- for the very flat terrain anyway. So this weekend, my very own breath of fresh air rolled into town in the form of my two doggies- brought down by one very cute course builder/boyfriend. I cannot even describe my excitement when I woke up on Friday morning and knew it was only a matter of hours until I got to hug those two precious furry faces that would surely be accompanied by Steve and that smile that gives me butterflies. As the day went on, it became apparent that my gloriously imagined reunion with my three favorites was not going to go quite as planned. Steve got called to do some work out on the course at Sporting Days, and I got busier and busier- as the day before horse shows alway seems chaotic- no matter how organized you think you are! Finally- I had to jet out to Buckleigh to get the dogs- who were with his sister and her horses that she brought down for the show and I would just have to catch up with him later. When I finally arrived after what seemed like the longest 25 minutes ever (bear in mind I have NEVER been away from my dogs for 3 weeks before), I already had tears in my eyes as I opened the tack room door on the horse trailer and Doodle literally came shooting out in all of her fat black dog excitement and tackled me to the ground. I hugged her and rolled around on the dusty ground a bit with her as she squealed and cried with excitement and poodle was jumping in my face and licking me between barks. I missed them more than I realized and I was so glad to see those sweet faces. I sat with them in the dirt for a few minutes and then had to throw them in the truck and jet back to the farm because there was still a set of horses to hack, evening feeds and two to braid!

Steve arrived later luckily catching a ride back to the farm with Lucia who went to walk her courses and we had a relaxing night in. I snuggled incessantly with Rylie Boo and was happy as ever to drift off to sleep with her little brown furry body nestled next to me and the soundtrack of Doodle breathing/snoring on the floor next to the bed. As good weekends always do, time flew and before I knew it, it was Sunday morning and I had to load them back into the truck and drop them with Steve, his sister and mom for the drive back to Virginia. I drove there basically in silence, knowing that if I talked too much about saying good bye to the girls and Steve, my throat would tighten up and my eyes would well with tears. I managed to squeak out a good bye to everyone and hug the girls before trotting back to the truck without a major breakdown.

Dont' get me wrong- life in Aiken is fab and horse filled, but I miss my dogs and I had no idea how attached I had already become to the tall blonde boy. My dogs are literally my "four-legged children" and I can only imagine how hard it is to be separated for any length of time from your human children, if being separated from my canine children is this tough. They seemed very happy though and Rylie Boo is ridiculously attached to Steve, literally whining for him every time he left the room or the car. I was a little jealous...

So my breath of fresh air blew out of Aiken as quickly as it blew in. I needed some time with my doggies and I'm so grateful they got to come down for a visit. Hopefully they can come again for the Pine Top advanced weekend. Until then, I'm breathing the crisp air outside and missing them a lot, but remaining thankful for all the good friends and family I have- long distance or close, I'm grateful for all of them.

Horse related updates coming soon. Jazzy has something to tell you.
-Ellie

The blink of an eye

I can pretty much safely navigate the stairs from our over-the-barn apartment down to the main barn aisle in complete darkness now. I've found if I don't turn the lights on the stairs on, then my eyes adjust to the darkness faster once I'm outside and I like that better than waiting and almost walking into the fence while everything still looks pitch black.

The reason I have developed this preference, is that it simply isn't cold enough when we feed around 4:30 or 5:00 for the horses to have their "pajamas" on yet and I can't stand the thought of them standing out there at dusk, sweating, then as soon as it gets dark the air gets crisp and they are standing damp under their blankets. All of them except Jazz and Stanley are fully clipped so they wear a variety of clothes on any given evening/morning and sometimes we change blanket weights up to three times a day- and on those days I wish for summer!

Anyway, although I am often tired at the end of the day and it's hard to wait to put on my pajamas until 10:00 or so because I don't want my pajamas to be covered in sand and smell like horse pee (the perpetual perfume of blankets), I really don't mind the blanketing in the darkness ritual. There's something about visiting each one of them and giving them one last pat on the neck or rub on the face at night. They sniff and snuff me up and down to see if I brought them anything and most of them stand quite nicely to be blanketed without making me halter them or catch them at all. Usually Jazz is the most difficult one of course, because she hates wearing clothes, but once she's still, she puts up with me and just makes ugly faces in the dark about it.

I love the quiet of nights here at the farm, and the "horses at night" sounds that are so familiar to me now. I can hear horses underneath me in the stalls nosing at the their sometimes empty water buckets, or the few paws at the stall floor before they lay down. Outside, where our horses are turned out at night, I can hear the swish of their tails against their blankets and the perfect grind of their teeth against their evening hay and that soft sound of their hooves in the grass. Before my eyes have adjusted completely to the darkness and I'm still scanning the paddocks for a dark shape against the lighter sky, I can usually find them by these little sounds. Each horse has it's own little profile of sounds, Fi snorts all the time, Mod's teeth grind louder when he eats hay, Jazz snuffs out big breaths before she walks my way, Oudo licks his lips while he gets blanketed, Gibbie lets out soft nickers if he thinks I have treats and sometimes clacks his teeth together when he's not in the mood to be messed with, Stan sniffs the most- just like a puppy... the list goes on. It's funny to me how comfortable I am with them in the complete darkness. I know each one of them and their body and their gait and their smell and even their individual whinnies just by the sound. After a few minutes I can see much better and I don't have to fasten the surcingles by feel- I can see them pretty well. As I say goodnight to each of them and climb out of their paddocks over the fences in my mishmash of blanketing outfits that is usually made up of Uggs- yoga pants and t-shirts with a jacket thrown on top, I wonder what they all think about the clumsy humans that come to dress them every night. Horses of course see much better than I do at night, and if I take the time to really notice the beauty of the darkness and the stars and the crisp air and the sweet perfume of warm horse, I'm glad that I'm not missing it and I wonder again what they see that I can't- how much there is that they don't miss that we do. 

In the blink of an eye, we can miss so many details of our day- the mundane things that are really beautiful and lovely and special because we are always in such a hurry to get things accomplished. Efficiency and accomplishment are noble goals, but sometimes so is simple observation. How many people will go their entire lives without knowing the pleasure of a night walking through horse paddocks in the darkness- taking in the brightness of the stars in a country sky and the smells and the breeze.I'm glad I know that pleasure, but what else am I missing? I'm adding appreciating more simple and beautiful details of my day to my resolutions for 2012- hope you'll join me!

-Ellie

P.S.- USET winter training sessions are here at the farm on Monday- I'll try to maintain my composure and not act like a 13 year old girl at the sight of Justin Bieber- I'll try... and maybe I can sneak in some auditing because either Capt. Mark Phillips or Katie Prudent will be teaching. Yay.

2012 begins in a whirlwind...

As usual, I can't believe it's already the 19th of January and my last post seems like a lifetime ago. I started this blog as an online diary of sorts for my "one day" family to have and to remind myself of who I am and why- so in 2012 I resolve to continue, and hopefully more often! Suprisingly, every once in a while I get a txt, e-mail or FB message from someone reminding me to blog- and although I am stunned that anyone really reads this thing, I'm honored to be your entertainment of sorts. So- here we go!

2012 started in a literal whirlwind of activity. I went home for a bit over Christmas and it was nice to see my family and friends in Georgia and catch up and relax. I did miss the horses, the farm and VA though, and even after that 10 hour drive, I was glad to be back home at Pine Cottage. Speaking of "home", my last post was a lot about "home", and finally feeling like VA was it. When I got back from GA, we immediately started packing for Aiken, SC- which is where we move all the competition horses and effectively, the whole operation, for the winter so that we can get all the horses in shape and start competing earlier down where the weather is mild. "Home" it's not- but it's our temporary home base for now! The eventing world seems to migrate south for the winter, just as the birds do, and they either land in Aiken or Ocala. We landed at a fabulous farm called Stable View, and we share it with Kim Severson Eventing and crew and a few other students and eventers that come in and out from California etc.
We are here until mid March and literally every moment of every day is consumed by horses and all that they entail- which is basically my idea of heaven, but it is HARD work and long hours! My hands are cut up and chapped and I'm a bit sun/wind burned and every muscle in my body is literally tired by the end of the day. I sometimes fall asleep before nine because I'm just plain worn out! I'm not complaining though, I still love every minute of what I do, and I love the seven horses we have down here (plus Jazz) as if they were my own and I literally go to sleep and wake up sometimes thinking of ways to make sure they are happy, safe, and sound. So things are busy busy busy- between feeding, hay, blanketing, stalls, walks, grooming, riding, hacking, hauling to lessons and XC schooling- plus shows- we are like three tornados of activity (Lucia, Benita and me)! Even on the coldest and windyest of days here with the horses, I still don't wish for an office and I still feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. We live at the farm in an apartment above the main barn, which is lovely. My two current biggest wishes are for some better sheets- we all know how i feel about good linens, and some really cushiony bedroom slippers. So I was thinking today that if those are really the only two things I need right now- I am pretty lucky. Onto the children:

I got to bring Jazz down and she transitioned very well and is feeling good under saddle. She is by far the most neglected looking horse on the property- unclipped and a bit unkempt since I don't have a ton of extra time to spend with her right now, but even being the worst looking horse on the property isn't much of an insult since she is surrounded by lovely world class eventers and she's keeping her weight on this winter and feels nice a fit and slightly exhuberant at times. I am toying with the idea of selling her as a hunt horse since that's really where she's at her happiest, but it would take an incredible home and a pretty sweet check to get me to part with her. Here's a little pic of her enjoying her turnout time after we went on a canter/gallop today around the farm on our hack trails:

As far the doggies, this is where it gets interesting...
They are in VA- without me. As in not here- not with me. I miss them so much thats it's hard to describe in actual words- but it's whats best for them and me right now because I barely have time to even groom Jazz on a daily basis and I work in the barn where she resides, so the doggies would be fairly miserable locked in my room in the apartment all day. They aren't "farm dog" enough to run free all day without poodle getting herself into trouble and barking incessantly at every passerby. Doodle would acclimate quickly but would worry herself in to a tizzy for about the first week trying to protect me from every horse, person and other dog that came near. So- they are at home because I have failed as a mother to socialze them properly. Really, I just never had a job that was conducive to them being around before, so they never really learned that barn dog- everything is cool and i don't need to chase it/bark at it/roll in it- kind of behavior.

Who? on EARTH, you ask would I leave my dogs with? A boy, that's who. Yes, there is a boy in my life currently, although I'm pretty much expecting him to run for the hills any day now because Rylie Boo and Doodle can be a bit consuming. Cuddles and cuteness can only get you so far when you shed 48 pounds of black hair a day and sometimes decide that spreading trash alllllll over the house is perhaps the best trick ever. So he's pretty much a saint in my book for taking care of them, and it was all VERY last minute- because they were originally supposed to come down with me, but as they often do, things change at the last minute and it was determined to be best that they stay in VA. So as I sort of choked back tears after thinking of leaving them, he offered to keep them at my house, and I immediately declined his offer. After thinking on it for a day and swiftly running out of other ideas and considering how much they like him and how much better they would be at home with their normal routine, I brought it up again and he didn't "suddenly have to go out of town" or anything like that and just calmly assured me that they would all get along just fine. I have NEVER been away from my doggies for more than a week and today marks seven days, so I'm getting pretty misty eyed when I think about them, and continually more grateful to him that I haven't yet gotten the phone call that says, "umm, I need you to figure out something for your dogs" while simultaneously getting a Facebook relationship status change update.

Since about June 2011, I had decided that it was probably best to just never ever fall in love, since that means that I would never get my heart broken. Strangely enough, I wasn't totally sad and heartbroken after my last relationship ended because it was/is what's best for both of us. However, the hardest words I have ever heard in my life were, "you are impossible to love" and hearing that did break my heart- although I didn't quite get it at the time, that pain instantaneously erected what I would describe as a steel reinforced, concrete, electrified, barbed wire coated force field around my capacity to ever allow myself to feel emotion for another human again. So yes, I've been happier than ever in the last 6 months, and yes, I am literally excited to get up every morning and live my life, and yes, I've been dating a lot, but NO, I have not allowed myself to form any sort of any kind of attachment to any boy of any sort. I tend to date them for a bit, and then when they start to talk about getting serious, or I catch myself thinking about them being around long-term, I end it.
I realize that's an unhealthy way to conduct an adult relaionship and it's selfish and a tad immature- but I realized why I was doing it- so there's some progress.

What the heck does this have to do with anything? Well, this boy is keeping my dogs, and this boy makes me laugh and smile and I just want to always be near him- like every second of every day. Anyone who knows me knows that I am normally not clingy, and have even been accused to being a little standoffish at times, even with my closest family and friends- so this is all quite new to me. I am officially being coached by a few good friends to "not screw this one up" and "return phone calls and texts" and "actually call him", and I have and the funny thing is, I actually want to. So that's good. The fact that I left my dogs with him at all is a huge indicator that he perhaps has made me change my mind about some things and although I don't know where this will go or how long it will last, I have enjoyed every minute of it and plan to continue doing so. And so here I sit, in Aiken, missing him more than I think I have ever missed anyone, even more than I miss the dogs. Blissfully happy with life and work and where I am, but missing him. (Thank God he doesnt know this blog exists because I sound SO lame) He says he's coming down in February to a horse show and hopefully I can resist the urge to leap into his arms and knock him over when I see him, and hopefully I won't die without my doggies before then. We shall see!

More to come from all that is Aiken, and perhaps the center of the horsey universe...
-Ellie

Better Days

I think every time I post a new post, it's sort of sickeningly happier than the previous one. Well, too bad, because I'm still happy.

I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about how the decade of your twenties is sort of this weird purgatory where you sometimes feel like a man without a home. You are out of college, off on your own, and hopefully finally out of your parents' house, but you haven't yet quite established your own home and your own set of tradtitions etc. The holidays, for example are still typically spent at your parent's house and even if you are married etc. , your house/apt/whatever is still new and full of hand me down furniture and crap from Ikea. You might not have children yet or even know if you want them, but those ideas dance around in your head uncertainly. Finding a job and establishing yourself and your life and your habits is key to making a home- it's not just the dwelling, but the lifestyle around it. At the end of our conversation, we were both saying that even though we aren't married/in serious relationships with anyone, we finally feel like we are "home" in Virginia. He is from up north, and I am from Georgia, but we were both discussing how blissfully awesome this state is and how much we love where we are in our lives right now. Of course, having someone to cuddle up with at night and talk about that with would be fun, but it was clear to both of us that it's not just the dwelling that makes you "home"- it's so much more than that. I haven't felt at home in a LONG time. Not in Atlanta, and not anywhere else really, but here, I feel home, and I love it.

Virginia is/has everything that makes me feel like me. Today I spent the morning taking the dogs on a walk through the woods- no leashes required. Then I walked back to my house- where I feel safe leaving my doors unlocked (i know i know) and gave them baths, then did some laundry and hung out and read a few magazines in my quietly sun soaked living room, got myself dressed and drove down back roads to a lunch date at a little restaurant off the beaten path, then hopped in the truck- checked out a few gorgeous trout streams and mountain views, picked up some apples at a local orchard, then hiked up to a waterfall, came back to the farm to feed the horses and say hey to Jazz, and then home to cook some dinner. Just a blissfully simple and absolutely beautiful day. No stress, no traffic and no drama. It's so refreshing to have a day like that- and the cool thing about it is, every day can be like that here. It's just where I am supposed to be and I am soooo thankful that I listened when all signs pointed to here.

It's so cliche to tell people to "do what makes you happy"- but I am a believer and as silly as I feel saying this- I hope maybe that someone reading this will just take that step that they are afraid to take and make their happiness happen. It's worth all the hardship in between. SO worth it to do what makes you "you". That's my sermon for this beautiful Sunday- find your home and enjoy it. :)

it's fall ya'll

it seems like forever since i have sat down and written an actual post, although the little mini ones float around in my head sometimes and i wish i had my computer handy, but then i get distracted by something else, as usual and what could have been short and coherent becomes a mega marathon post- like this one will probably be!

anyway, let's start with the children. doodle is thoroughly transitioned to farm dog and watching her chase deer to the woods with her hackles raised and barking her big ole scary bark delights me. she is so happy and she loves being outside. the funniest thing she has had to learn and still doesn't quite get is how to get in/out of pasture fences. she's a little tall to go under the lowest board sometimes and watching her try to scoot her rather large black behind underneath is hilarious. once or twice she has slipped between the first and second boards but she can't seem to master this consistently. one day on one of our walks, she got "stuck" in a pasture after taking off to chase the guinea hens and all the coaxing in the world by me just couldn't get her out. i refused to walk alllll the way back to the other side and open the gate for her. those of you that know doodle, know that she is quite vocal and demanding and makes her feelings apparent. she was absolutely beside herself that she was stuck in this four board "jail" as rylie and i made our way down the road back to the trail. finally i stopped giggling at her chorus of sad dog songs and went back, got down on my knees and showed her how to crawl on her belly under neath the fence. you would have thought she had won the lottery when she got up on the other side. i laughed so hard and thought to myself, "damn, you wouldn't survive a day in the wild" and took her back home to feed her dinner.

rylie boo loves the farm as well, but can't really be trusted out of my site. she is overzealous about most things in life, so the same goes for greeting EVERYONE who passes in front of us, checking out allllll the animals, smelling all the smells, eating numerous types of feces and rolling in unimaginably smelly substances. she prefers to be a biohazard most times, and is currently getting over a three day vomit/diarrhea spree of unknown origin. she is one high maintenance poodle!! but after i have cleaned all of the nasty stank off of her every single day, she is quite the cuddler- so it's worth it.

jazz has been doing very well and has put on a good bit of weight and muscle. she looks like an actual competition horse most days. she has given me a good scare lately though when she suddenly became really unbalanced feeling, decided to buck me off (from a walk- in one buck) and then exhibit a variety of neuro looking symptoms which of course sent me into a tailspin of worry thinking she had EPM or lymes or something worse. i finally mustered up the courage to call the vet, well actually text him (thank God he texts because he would have heard the tears in my voice if i had to call) and he came out the next morning to give her a full phsyical and neuro exam. of course, like when your car is making a funny noise and you take it into to the shop where it immediately stops making the noise, she was an absolute model of perfection in soundess and passed her neuro exam with flying colors. the final outcome was lumbrosacral back soreness with an Rx of methocarbamol and horners symdrome, which is a temporary disruption of the vestibular system in horses (and also dogs and cats sometimes) which can be caused my a variety of things and explains her two day ear droop and nostril weirdness and unbalanced feeling and look on the longe. i absolutely LOVE our vet at plain dealing, and his calm approach and lack of histrionics about anything- it kept me calm and his methodical exam made me feel like we really were getting to the bottom of things. before he came out, i told almost no one that she wasn't herself  because i couldn't handle the sadness and thoughts about what i would have to deal with if i lost her, or she had any sort of debilitating illness. i LOVE that horse, i love her unaffectionate naughty personality and i love the bond we have between us. as i read on facebook the night before about a friend who got the "your best option is euthanasia" diagnoses on her own mare, i could feel my heart breaking for her and for her lovely young mare. sometimes i feel so lucky to love an animal so deeply, and sometimes i have to sit back and realize what a risk it is, but anything worth loving, is worth the risk of losing, and i feel like i know that better than almost anyone sometimes. i am glad i have the capacity to love like i do, so many people go through life without truly loving anything or anyone and i'm glad i'm not one of them!

speaking of "love", my friends and family have almost forced totally encouraged me to start dating again. it has been fun and interesting to say the least. i have been on four dates in about three weeks. two of which were awesome, one of which was nice, but nothing special, and one of which was a second date with my first date. i sat down the other day and did the math on how long its been since i have been on a date. umm, my last "first date" was 2005. scary? yes. i'm quite sure my level of awkwardness on first dates perhaps exceeds any measure, but i do have to say that there are some really nice guys out there. which is refreshing. i have also lost a good bit of weight lately and am feeling more self confident than usual- which is nice when you are about to embark on a blind date! two of the four guys i have dated are definitely worth a second date, so thats 50% success? one i really like, and the other i really really like, but my rusty "he might be a player" alarm is sort of sounding on him. i mean, i 'm not seeing how my first name looks with their last names anytime soon, (yes, ALL girls do that) but it is nice to have a connection with and attraction to someone. i realized that, in my old age, (28) and perhaps through the process of having a marriage fail, i have learned a lot about myself and what i find to be important in a relationship. also i found out that i have good legs, lol- because all four of the guys have commented on that (thank you horseback riding!) anyway, after being out of the "game" for six years, i had to make a sort of mental priority list of what i found to be important in a potential date/relationship. here are the things i realized that i find to be important: (feel free to laugh hysterically at my weirdness and fondness for list making)
1. kind, sparkly eyes attract me first
2. i insist on straight and clean teeth- shallow i know, but i can't handle it.
3. proper grammar. don't get me wrong, i don't mind someone who drops the f-bomb or uses slang terms when being funny or texting, but if you "want to know where i live at"- youre done. done.
4. the ability to converse about topics other than yourself, although i am interested in you, there are other things in this world. bonus points for knowing about trees, cooking, gardens, animals (especially birds and dogs), music, environmental issues and energy efficiency, firearms, movies, and sports.
5. dressing yourself appropriately and attractively and in a manner consistent with current weather conditions. extra points for having additional outerwear on hand and offering it to me when im cold.
6. liking my dogs and interacting with them. bonus points for letting the poodle give you kisses.
7. taking the 10 minutes it would take to actually google "three day eventing" so that you can understand what i'm talking about when i describe my life/job. extra gold stars for actually being interested in my passion.
8. doing something that you enjoy for a living, or making an attempt at it. i do not require a huge bank account at all, but i don't want to hear about how miserable you are every day.
9. laughing and making me laugh- this one is HUGE
10. giving good hugs
11. being tall

that is all. not really that picky i don't think!

so here i am, i think probably happier than i've ever been, watching the leaves change on the trees, and realizing that i am probably very unprepared for winters in VA, but enjoying the fall and wishing someone would call and ask me out on a date to go find a good pumpkin. it's fun to be a single girl in this town, with a job i love, a great place to live, and wonderful new friends and old ones who will laugh with me and sometimes chastise me for my awkwardness when i call them to tell them the details of a date. there's so much more to tell concerning my job and my new found love and respect for MOST of the eventing community, but this post is getting too long.  i will sit down sometime this week and post about that! until then, go get yourself a pumpkin and take a drive in the country listening to your favorite song- it's the best feeling ever. :)