2012 started in a literal whirlwind of activity. I went home for a bit over Christmas and it was nice to see my family and friends in Georgia and catch up and relax. I did miss the horses, the farm and VA though, and even after that 10 hour drive, I was glad to be back home at Pine Cottage. Speaking of "home", my last post was a lot about "home", and finally feeling like VA was it. When I got back from GA, we immediately started packing for Aiken, SC- which is where we move all the competition horses and effectively, the whole operation, for the winter so that we can get all the horses in shape and start competing earlier down where the weather is mild. "Home" it's not- but it's our temporary home base for now! The eventing world seems to migrate south for the winter, just as the birds do, and they either land in Aiken or Ocala. We landed at a fabulous farm called Stable View, and we share it with Kim Severson Eventing and crew and a few other students and eventers that come in and out from California etc.
We are here until mid March and literally every moment of every day is consumed by horses and all that they entail- which is basically my idea of heaven, but it is HARD work and long hours! My hands are cut up and chapped and I'm a bit sun/wind burned and every muscle in my body is literally tired by the end of the day. I sometimes fall asleep before nine because I'm just plain worn out! I'm not complaining though, I still love every minute of what I do, and I love the seven horses we have down here (plus Jazz) as if they were my own and I literally go to sleep and wake up sometimes thinking of ways to make sure they are happy, safe, and sound. So things are busy busy busy- between feeding, hay, blanketing, stalls, walks, grooming, riding, hacking, hauling to lessons and XC schooling- plus shows- we are like three tornados of activity (Lucia, Benita and me)! Even on the coldest and windyest of days here with the horses, I still don't wish for an office and I still feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. We live at the farm in an apartment above the main barn, which is lovely. My two current biggest wishes are for some better sheets- we all know how i feel about good linens, and some really cushiony bedroom slippers. So I was thinking today that if those are really the only two things I need right now- I am pretty lucky. Onto the children:
I got to bring Jazz down and she transitioned very well and is feeling good under saddle. She is by far the most neglected looking horse on the property- unclipped and a bit unkempt since I don't have a ton of extra time to spend with her right now, but even being the worst looking horse on the property isn't much of an insult since she is surrounded by lovely world class eventers and she's keeping her weight on this winter and feels nice a fit and slightly exhuberant at times. I am toying with the idea of selling her as a hunt horse since that's really where she's at her happiest, but it would take an incredible home and a pretty sweet check to get me to part with her. Here's a little pic of her enjoying her turnout time after we went on a canter/gallop today around the farm on our hack trails:
As far the doggies, this is where it gets interesting...
They are in VA- without me. As in not here- not with me. I miss them so much thats it's hard to describe in actual words- but it's whats best for them and me right now because I barely have time to even groom Jazz on a daily basis and I work in the barn where she resides, so the doggies would be fairly miserable locked in my room in the apartment all day. They aren't "farm dog" enough to run free all day without poodle getting herself into trouble and barking incessantly at every passerby. Doodle would acclimate quickly but would worry herself in to a tizzy for about the first week trying to protect me from every horse, person and other dog that came near. So- they are at home because I have failed as a mother to socialze them properly. Really, I just never had a job that was conducive to them being around before, so they never really learned that barn dog- everything is cool and i don't need to chase it/bark at it/roll in it- kind of behavior.
Who? on EARTH, you ask would I leave my dogs with? A boy, that's who. Yes, there is a boy in my life currently, although I'm pretty much expecting him to run for the hills any day now because Rylie Boo and Doodle can be a bit consuming. Cuddles and cuteness can only get you so far when you shed 48 pounds of black hair a day and sometimes decide that spreading trash alllllll over the house is perhaps the best trick ever. So he's pretty much a saint in my book for taking care of them, and it was all VERY last minute- because they were originally supposed to come down with me, but as they often do, things change at the last minute and it was determined to be best that they stay in VA. So as I sort of choked back tears after thinking of leaving them, he offered to keep them at my house, and I immediately declined his offer. After thinking on it for a day and swiftly running out of other ideas and considering how much they like him and how much better they would be at home with their normal routine, I brought it up again and he didn't "suddenly have to go out of town" or anything like that and just calmly assured me that they would all get along just fine. I have NEVER been away from my doggies for more than a week and today marks seven days, so I'm getting pretty misty eyed when I think about them, and continually more grateful to him that I haven't yet gotten the phone call that says, "umm, I need you to figure out something for your dogs" while simultaneously getting a Facebook relationship status change update.
Since about June 2011, I had decided that it was probably best to just never ever fall in love, since that means that I would never get my heart broken. Strangely enough, I wasn't totally sad and heartbroken after my last relationship ended because it was/is what's best for both of us. However, the hardest words I have ever heard in my life were, "you are impossible to love" and hearing that did break my heart- although I didn't quite get it at the time, that pain instantaneously erected what I would describe as a steel reinforced, concrete, electrified, barbed wire coated force field around my capacity to ever allow myself to feel emotion for another human again. So yes, I've been happier than ever in the last 6 months, and yes, I am literally excited to get up every morning and live my life, and yes, I've been dating a lot, but NO, I have not allowed myself to form any sort of any kind of attachment to any boy of any sort. I tend to date them for a bit, and then when they start to talk about getting serious, or I catch myself thinking about them being around long-term, I end it.
I realize that's an unhealthy way to conduct an adult relaionship and it's selfish and a tad immature- but I realized why I was doing it- so there's some progress.
What the heck does this have to do with anything? Well, this boy is keeping my dogs, and this boy makes me laugh and smile and I just want to always be near him- like every second of every day. Anyone who knows me knows that I am normally not clingy, and have even been accused to being a little standoffish at times, even with my closest family and friends- so this is all quite new to me. I am officially being coached by a few good friends to "not screw this one up" and "return phone calls and texts" and "actually call him", and I have and the funny thing is, I actually want to. So that's good. The fact that I left my dogs with him at all is a huge indicator that he perhaps has made me change my mind about some things and although I don't know where this will go or how long it will last, I have enjoyed every minute of it and plan to continue doing so. And so here I sit, in Aiken, missing him more than I think I have ever missed anyone, even more than I miss the dogs. Blissfully happy with life and work and where I am, but missing him. (Thank God he doesnt know this blog exists because I sound SO lame) He says he's coming down in February to a horse show and hopefully I can resist the urge to leap into his arms and knock him over when I see him, and hopefully I won't die without my doggies before then. We shall see!
More to come from all that is Aiken, and perhaps the center of the horsey universe...
-Ellie
