Better Days

I think every time I post a new post, it's sort of sickeningly happier than the previous one. Well, too bad, because I'm still happy.

I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about how the decade of your twenties is sort of this weird purgatory where you sometimes feel like a man without a home. You are out of college, off on your own, and hopefully finally out of your parents' house, but you haven't yet quite established your own home and your own set of tradtitions etc. The holidays, for example are still typically spent at your parent's house and even if you are married etc. , your house/apt/whatever is still new and full of hand me down furniture and crap from Ikea. You might not have children yet or even know if you want them, but those ideas dance around in your head uncertainly. Finding a job and establishing yourself and your life and your habits is key to making a home- it's not just the dwelling, but the lifestyle around it. At the end of our conversation, we were both saying that even though we aren't married/in serious relationships with anyone, we finally feel like we are "home" in Virginia. He is from up north, and I am from Georgia, but we were both discussing how blissfully awesome this state is and how much we love where we are in our lives right now. Of course, having someone to cuddle up with at night and talk about that with would be fun, but it was clear to both of us that it's not just the dwelling that makes you "home"- it's so much more than that. I haven't felt at home in a LONG time. Not in Atlanta, and not anywhere else really, but here, I feel home, and I love it.

Virginia is/has everything that makes me feel like me. Today I spent the morning taking the dogs on a walk through the woods- no leashes required. Then I walked back to my house- where I feel safe leaving my doors unlocked (i know i know) and gave them baths, then did some laundry and hung out and read a few magazines in my quietly sun soaked living room, got myself dressed and drove down back roads to a lunch date at a little restaurant off the beaten path, then hopped in the truck- checked out a few gorgeous trout streams and mountain views, picked up some apples at a local orchard, then hiked up to a waterfall, came back to the farm to feed the horses and say hey to Jazz, and then home to cook some dinner. Just a blissfully simple and absolutely beautiful day. No stress, no traffic and no drama. It's so refreshing to have a day like that- and the cool thing about it is, every day can be like that here. It's just where I am supposed to be and I am soooo thankful that I listened when all signs pointed to here.

It's so cliche to tell people to "do what makes you happy"- but I am a believer and as silly as I feel saying this- I hope maybe that someone reading this will just take that step that they are afraid to take and make their happiness happen. It's worth all the hardship in between. SO worth it to do what makes you "you". That's my sermon for this beautiful Sunday- find your home and enjoy it. :)

it's fall ya'll

it seems like forever since i have sat down and written an actual post, although the little mini ones float around in my head sometimes and i wish i had my computer handy, but then i get distracted by something else, as usual and what could have been short and coherent becomes a mega marathon post- like this one will probably be!

anyway, let's start with the children. doodle is thoroughly transitioned to farm dog and watching her chase deer to the woods with her hackles raised and barking her big ole scary bark delights me. she is so happy and she loves being outside. the funniest thing she has had to learn and still doesn't quite get is how to get in/out of pasture fences. she's a little tall to go under the lowest board sometimes and watching her try to scoot her rather large black behind underneath is hilarious. once or twice she has slipped between the first and second boards but she can't seem to master this consistently. one day on one of our walks, she got "stuck" in a pasture after taking off to chase the guinea hens and all the coaxing in the world by me just couldn't get her out. i refused to walk alllll the way back to the other side and open the gate for her. those of you that know doodle, know that she is quite vocal and demanding and makes her feelings apparent. she was absolutely beside herself that she was stuck in this four board "jail" as rylie and i made our way down the road back to the trail. finally i stopped giggling at her chorus of sad dog songs and went back, got down on my knees and showed her how to crawl on her belly under neath the fence. you would have thought she had won the lottery when she got up on the other side. i laughed so hard and thought to myself, "damn, you wouldn't survive a day in the wild" and took her back home to feed her dinner.

rylie boo loves the farm as well, but can't really be trusted out of my site. she is overzealous about most things in life, so the same goes for greeting EVERYONE who passes in front of us, checking out allllll the animals, smelling all the smells, eating numerous types of feces and rolling in unimaginably smelly substances. she prefers to be a biohazard most times, and is currently getting over a three day vomit/diarrhea spree of unknown origin. she is one high maintenance poodle!! but after i have cleaned all of the nasty stank off of her every single day, she is quite the cuddler- so it's worth it.

jazz has been doing very well and has put on a good bit of weight and muscle. she looks like an actual competition horse most days. she has given me a good scare lately though when she suddenly became really unbalanced feeling, decided to buck me off (from a walk- in one buck) and then exhibit a variety of neuro looking symptoms which of course sent me into a tailspin of worry thinking she had EPM or lymes or something worse. i finally mustered up the courage to call the vet, well actually text him (thank God he texts because he would have heard the tears in my voice if i had to call) and he came out the next morning to give her a full phsyical and neuro exam. of course, like when your car is making a funny noise and you take it into to the shop where it immediately stops making the noise, she was an absolute model of perfection in soundess and passed her neuro exam with flying colors. the final outcome was lumbrosacral back soreness with an Rx of methocarbamol and horners symdrome, which is a temporary disruption of the vestibular system in horses (and also dogs and cats sometimes) which can be caused my a variety of things and explains her two day ear droop and nostril weirdness and unbalanced feeling and look on the longe. i absolutely LOVE our vet at plain dealing, and his calm approach and lack of histrionics about anything- it kept me calm and his methodical exam made me feel like we really were getting to the bottom of things. before he came out, i told almost no one that she wasn't herself  because i couldn't handle the sadness and thoughts about what i would have to deal with if i lost her, or she had any sort of debilitating illness. i LOVE that horse, i love her unaffectionate naughty personality and i love the bond we have between us. as i read on facebook the night before about a friend who got the "your best option is euthanasia" diagnoses on her own mare, i could feel my heart breaking for her and for her lovely young mare. sometimes i feel so lucky to love an animal so deeply, and sometimes i have to sit back and realize what a risk it is, but anything worth loving, is worth the risk of losing, and i feel like i know that better than almost anyone sometimes. i am glad i have the capacity to love like i do, so many people go through life without truly loving anything or anyone and i'm glad i'm not one of them!

speaking of "love", my friends and family have almost forced totally encouraged me to start dating again. it has been fun and interesting to say the least. i have been on four dates in about three weeks. two of which were awesome, one of which was nice, but nothing special, and one of which was a second date with my first date. i sat down the other day and did the math on how long its been since i have been on a date. umm, my last "first date" was 2005. scary? yes. i'm quite sure my level of awkwardness on first dates perhaps exceeds any measure, but i do have to say that there are some really nice guys out there. which is refreshing. i have also lost a good bit of weight lately and am feeling more self confident than usual- which is nice when you are about to embark on a blind date! two of the four guys i have dated are definitely worth a second date, so thats 50% success? one i really like, and the other i really really like, but my rusty "he might be a player" alarm is sort of sounding on him. i mean, i 'm not seeing how my first name looks with their last names anytime soon, (yes, ALL girls do that) but it is nice to have a connection with and attraction to someone. i realized that, in my old age, (28) and perhaps through the process of having a marriage fail, i have learned a lot about myself and what i find to be important in a relationship. also i found out that i have good legs, lol- because all four of the guys have commented on that (thank you horseback riding!) anyway, after being out of the "game" for six years, i had to make a sort of mental priority list of what i found to be important in a potential date/relationship. here are the things i realized that i find to be important: (feel free to laugh hysterically at my weirdness and fondness for list making)
1. kind, sparkly eyes attract me first
2. i insist on straight and clean teeth- shallow i know, but i can't handle it.
3. proper grammar. don't get me wrong, i don't mind someone who drops the f-bomb or uses slang terms when being funny or texting, but if you "want to know where i live at"- youre done. done.
4. the ability to converse about topics other than yourself, although i am interested in you, there are other things in this world. bonus points for knowing about trees, cooking, gardens, animals (especially birds and dogs), music, environmental issues and energy efficiency, firearms, movies, and sports.
5. dressing yourself appropriately and attractively and in a manner consistent with current weather conditions. extra points for having additional outerwear on hand and offering it to me when im cold.
6. liking my dogs and interacting with them. bonus points for letting the poodle give you kisses.
7. taking the 10 minutes it would take to actually google "three day eventing" so that you can understand what i'm talking about when i describe my life/job. extra gold stars for actually being interested in my passion.
8. doing something that you enjoy for a living, or making an attempt at it. i do not require a huge bank account at all, but i don't want to hear about how miserable you are every day.
9. laughing and making me laugh- this one is HUGE
10. giving good hugs
11. being tall

that is all. not really that picky i don't think!

so here i am, i think probably happier than i've ever been, watching the leaves change on the trees, and realizing that i am probably very unprepared for winters in VA, but enjoying the fall and wishing someone would call and ask me out on a date to go find a good pumpkin. it's fun to be a single girl in this town, with a job i love, a great place to live, and wonderful new friends and old ones who will laugh with me and sometimes chastise me for my awkwardness when i call them to tell them the details of a date. there's so much more to tell concerning my job and my new found love and respect for MOST of the eventing community, but this post is getting too long.  i will sit down sometime this week and post about that! until then, go get yourself a pumpkin and take a drive in the country listening to your favorite song- it's the best feeling ever. :)